Transformers: Dark of the Moon: Movie review

Transformers: Dark of the Moon: The Autobots return to action when a mysterious event from Earth's past erupts into the present day, threatening to destroy humanity

A director whose-bombast knows no bounds, especially in the second "Transformers" film, Michael Bay manages to keep the volume down by his standards-for a while in "Dark of the Moon."

But in the end, he can't help himself. As if realizing he's spent all this money on such spectacular-effects, Bay pulls out all the stops in the last act in an orgy of cacophony, pitting shrieking, grinding metal against metal in one incoherent battle after another.

Up to that point, however, this "Transformers" is better than the second film (though that's not saying much), with some enjoyable bits here and there. If nothing else, Bay knows his audience these things are huge worldwide, and a lot of people come--to see things blow up. If you are one of them, you will not be disappointed. It just takes a little longer to get there.

Part of the reason is because a fair chunk of the first act takes place on the moon, where it's quieter. You know, the "Alien" tagline, "In space, no one can hear you scream," that sort of thing. Everyone can, however, hear the annoying voiceover narration of Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen), who explains what happened in the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons, and how that came to kick-start the race to the moon--between the U.S. and the Soviets and how it led to the abrupt end of lunar missions, as well. It involves Sentinel Prime (voice of Leonard Nimoy), an ancient Autobot (their Albert Einstein, we're told), who must be revived. Or something.

Back on Earth, the Autobots remain our ever-vigilant friends, helping to keep the human race from destroying itself in wars. But while they're preventing disaster, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) can't get a job. He has, however, landed another hot girlfriend. Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, in her first role) is beautiful and supportive, and works for the rich, too cool to be true Dylan (Patrick Dempsey), who showers her with--things like a $200,000 Mercedes. Sam's jealous, naturally, but he finally gets hired by an over the top John Malkovich, for whom that is becoming the default description. Before long, the Autobots and Decepticons are at it again, with Sam eager to get back into the mix. He's hampered temporarily by an uptight intelligence-director played by Frances McDormand, who proves she, too, can overact. But soon enough, Sam is back to his screaming self, along with franchise regulars Josh Duhamel and John Turturro. There are deceptions-and twists but, in the end, mostly special effects.

But to what end? When two cars turned robots start fighting in close combat, it's nearly impossible to tell who's who, or what's what. Which makes it hard to care who wins; you just sit on the--sidelines and wait for them to sort things out, then move on to the next clash.

Too long, too dumb and too loud, "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is at least an improvement on its immediate predecessor. That's not much to get-excited about, but if you're looking for a reason to justify seeing it and millions will-see it I suppose it's something.